Today I ran a mile and a half for like the fourth day in a row....yes, i know, slightly underwhelming, not exactly your half marathon...

But for me its been kinda epic cause less than a year ago I couldn't walk more than a block without passing out. I slept 18 hours a day and then was an insomniac at night. I couldn't form sentences or remember basic facts or process conversations while I was having them. I had a constant headache. My heart beat was erratic. I had joint pain and nausea and constant body aches. Sound and light was my enemy. Emotions were non existent. 

Before I got sick I was a runner. It's something that makes me feel strong and accomplished (probably cause my legs are like a foot and a half long, so to run any distance is an achievement). It's the biggest release, the best routine, so to be able to run again, even starting from the ground up at a measly mile and a half, is huge. Its an accomplishment and action in a lifestyle of chronic illness which equates to caution and rest and calculated movements. It's hugely IMPORTANT. It's a BIG DEAL. 

I'm not a generally optimistic person. I don't go through life with a rose colored tint. If anything I'm a cynic, a realist. I read the worst into people and situations. I expect the worst. And I don't easily give into the ideal of hope. Throughout my health journey, Brett (bless his beautiful soul and adorable face) has been the one to never give up the belief that I'll get better, the one who continues to have faith in doctors, the one who sees my progress towards being healthy and rejoices in it. My reaction is usually, "today might be good, BUT we'll see how I feel tomorrow" or "who the heck is that freak doctor that we just let treat me" or "screw it, i give up."  (ask me where I'd be without him....probably rolled up in a ball in my week old clothes reading my kindle, watching netflix, and giving up on life and health...but seriously) 

All this to say, its important for me to consciously acknowledge this milestone in my journey to health. It's important for the cynic in me to step aside for a minute and rejoice in the healing God has been doing and to bask in this small victory, to let myself just be joyful. To appreciate and be thankful. To not look at how far I have to go until I'm totally healthy but to sit and worship the One who's brought this progress. Its all a part of the journey. 

much love.
-morgan    

our time in Wisco is coming to a close. we leave in one week for the beach. its a bittersweet affair. for one we cannot wait to get back to Florida, to family and warmth and work. we feel so alive and energized down there. but i will miss the family in Wisconsin. it never gets old having my sister and her babies only a half hour away. the exciting and weird thing about going down this time, is that the next time we move back up in July, we will be moving to Wisco for good . it seems like we've been traveling constantly the past couple years, so this is exciting and different. (now granted our job will be traveling, but at least we'll have a home base. i'll get to decorate an apartment!) 

not the same white stuff

the thing we have enjoyed most while up north this time is getting to work with our mobilization teammates up at the training center in Waukesha. we've gotten to see the Perspective on World Missions Class in action. we've gotten to help out with a perspective student weekend, where students come and get to experience NTBI (New Tribes Bible Institute) firsthand for a couple of school days. Overall we've just gotten a taste of what parts of our job will look like in July. it's exciting!  

the sad list

finally, for a fun fact that you don't really need to know. dark chocolate is probably my new absolute favorite thing. I know that for humanity this isn't a new discovery, but for me its like getting a new puppy. every time we go to a new coffee shop to work (which is like every other day) they have all of these amazing dark chocolate bars with himalayan sea salt, or burnt caramel, or 85% cacao powder, or almonds, or coffee grounds in them. three dollars seems like nothing compared to that sort of joy. I'm hooked. And they say thats its good for you (go antioxidants) so i'm gonna hold on to that sentiment and eat it as much as possible. i suggest you do the same :). 

i'm eating some right now

much love, 
morgan

I'm sitting in our favorite local coffee shop in wisco, wondering what to blog about and Brett just said, "we moved to the freaking North, blog about that!"...so I guess I will. 

first, before I get into our actual lives, can I just say only a Floridian/southerner would put it that eloquently and with such appreciation and second, that sentence alone gives you so much insight into our love/hate relationship with each others homelands. (who knew we were a bi-cultural couple just cause we're from the north and the south)

his face says it all

so we moved to the freaking north. after four months in Florida we're now doing a stint in my hometown in Wisconsin. its 10 degrees out and I love it cause my wardrobe is finally back to where it supposed to be. made up entirely of patagonia fleeces, hooded sweatshirts, yoga pants, and boots. we've spent some amazing time with family during the holidays. I have a four year old nephew and two year old niece, the perfect ages for christmas and the cuteness was almost too much. overall it was just a sweet relaxing time with those we love most. i've also been reunited with my best friend and sister, Megan Vold, who is not only a kick butt mom of three under four but also an extremely talented decorator, refurbisher/reupholsterer/redoer of anything and everything, and an overall extremely creative person who I one day hope to be as cool as. here's some pics of our holiday shenanigans. 

                      

we've gotten to spend some time with our future coworkers, this beautiful family below. we are so so excited to start working with them in July. getting to spend time with them has made us that much more pumped to be apart of the mobilization team at New Tribes Bible Institute.  

Mike, Kristi, Jesse and Nicole Day

for those of you who have been praying for my health, I want to say a huge thank you. we've seen some good improvement the past month. I joined a local gym, getting back into cycling, yoga, and weight lifting, and we've seen some good results from that, more energy and an overall clearer head. it's been exciting. the doctors I've been to have said that exercise is one of the best treatments you can do for Lyme's because it releases major toxins from the body. and man oh man, its true. we are so thankful for the progress we've seen and even though I feel like I have a long way to go until I'm completely healthy, we are encouraged. 

this pic reminds me on the bad days
 to hold onto hope that my body and
mind will feel good again

finally, i want to share with you one of the most exciting things about our holiday down time. the creation of the most beautiful barn wood table ever to be made. we had some extra Christmas money and we own pretty much no furniture, so we decided to make a table. my dad has been a carpenter most of his life, so we have access to every tool we could ever need and a heated shop to work in. heres the progress. its not quite done, but we're getting there. i think the copper legs are my favorite part. 

             

                     

the past couple of weeks have been a nice downtime, but Brett and I are both excited to get back to work. so if your in the Wisconsin and want to hear more about tribal church planting and how you can be involved, send us a message. we 'd love to meet with you. 

much love.

-morgan            

NTBI Waukesha Mobilization Team get ready cause were comin' for ya!!! 

We've known since we finished training this past May that we would be doing mobilization with NTM once we raised support. We just didn't know where and we had a couple of different locations to choose from. So after some extensive debating, praying, and waiting, we finally decided on becoming a part of the team up at New Tribes Bible Institute in Waukesha, Wisconsin. And we are so stoked! And we feel so privileged!

Our main job will be to travel to colleges, universities, conferences (and really any venue that has Christian young people in attendance) and present to them the needs around the world and how they can be directly involved. But I am so excited about being at NTBI specifically because while we're not traveling we get to be apart of life on this awesome campus. And what a better field to mobilize in then NTM's first phase of training, where we can challenge the students to continue onto the Missionary Training Center in Missouri. Our prayer is to finish support raising by July '15 so that we can move in in time for the start of the next school year. 

Speaking of support raising, that's really what our day to day life is all about right now. We wake up, go to a coffee shop since we lack an office of our own, make phone calls, write updates, send emails, and meet with people. It's a weird time of life, but most days we are loving it. This past weekend we got to be a part of our sending church's missions conference and it was an awesome time of sharing, fellowship, and relationship building. We are so blessed by those who have become a part of our team and are so thankful for their support. 

Finally, last week we got back from the pacific northwest, which was beyond beautiful. We went out there for a doctor's appointment with my Lyme's specialist but got to stay in Seattle and drive through the Cascade Mountains a couple times. Needless to say it blew our flatlander minds. The doctor did some more treatments and says that I should be seeing some improvement after a month or so of detox. We're hoping that I'll only have to go back out there maybe one more time. Brett's optimistic and I'm trying to be as well.

much love, 

morgan

malaria sucks.

That could pretty much sum up this post as a whole. Two weeks ago Brett spent a week in the hospital sick with malaria. Even though he took malaria meds while in PNG, those never guarantee that you won't contract it. Anyways, two months after coming home, he came down with it. You may be thinking, poor guy which is DEFINITLEY applicable, but at least there's the bright side of having street cred in foreign countries, which is pretty neat. No but seriously, it was a horrible week. He had a temp above a hundred for over a week, constant migraines, chills, vomiting, and couldn't eat. For a guy who can't sit still...like ever, seeing him laid out in a bed unable to move was scary. My family couldn't picture it and I hope I don't have to again any time in the near future...or ever. 

poor lil guy in the ER

passing out from giving blood...again

I was so thankful he was in the states for his first experience with malaria. Even though it took the hospital a long time to get the right meds ( they don't keep them on hand since theirs hardly any cases in the states), Brett was constantly under medical supervision and had access to pain meds, hydration, and top of the line facilities. This experience was eye opening for us "green" missionaries. Brett experienced this in the states, but missionaries all over the world experience this several times a year, while living in a jungle home without air conditioning or an IV. This is something they know will happen and they go to these tribes anyways. They sacrifice their health and comfort so that their tribe won't go without Christ any longer. These are easy things to say and we picture them all romantic and spiritual, the poor missionary laying in a hammock with a wet rag on their sweaty forehead. But holy freaking moly, malaria sucks, theirs nothing pretty about sickness, and it would suck so hard core to have it in the humid remote jungle. Its a HUGE, MIND BLOWING sacrifice. So lets appreciate the hard coreness of these missionaries and what they are willing to sacrifice for the Gospel! So to sum it up, malaria sucks but the Gospel is worth it. Philippians 1:29 speaks to this when it says, "for you have not only been given the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him."

Shout out to Evie Jones for all the malaria advice and for assuring me my comatose hubs wasn't gonna die! Thank you, thank you! Also a huge thanks to all the people who came to visit and who were praying! It felt amazing to have such incredible support. 

Side note, here's a few nuggets of wisdom I gained from this experience....

1. hospital food is prison food...literally...they're made by the same company

2. bring a blow up mattress when sleeping in a hospital for a prolonged period of time, those couches they give you might look nice but will only cause you pain

3. good nurses are angels from the Lord and should be paid loads of money

4. the more pain meds the better...seriously, pump them in as often as possible

5. if they take blood everyday from the same arm, you will begin to look like an oompa loompa

much love.
-morgan

Life is a movin. 

We finished training in what seems like yesterday but in reality was two months ago. In those two months we've become official NTM missionaries, Brett went to Papua New Guinea for three weeks, we lived in Wisconsin with my parents, went on an anniversary camping trip in Devil's Lake where I went on an epic mountain climbing hike that rocked my Lyme's diseased body's world, we interviewed with two different NTM campuses one of which we will be doing mobilization out of, I went to Jackson Hole, Wyoming on a family girls trip to visit my aunt and cousins, we road biked daily, and finally we moved to Florida to start support raising full time. So its been one heck of a summer, but we've loved every minute.

Those are full grown PNG men. Brett's finally tall. 

Brett visited two different tribes in PNG.
This lady is yet to hear the gospel
and the end of her life in nearing. 

At the top of Devil's Lake.
Attempting what I'm assuming is an incorrect tree pose.

Now we're in Florida for the next four months raising support so that we can help raise up men and women to the work of tribal church planting through mobilization! We're so excited about this future job with NTM! So there's our summer in a nut shell. If you're in Florida, we would love to see you, meet with you, hear about your life, so give us a call or email! Here's a pic for the road.

-Morgan

pig wrastlin.

I've always inwardly refused to talk about my issues on social media. But I haven't blogged for six months, mainly because of my issues (health issues but still issues) so just this once I'm going to break my rule and tell you about the ups and downs of the last six months. If you don't want to listen, stop reading. I promise I won't be offended.

A year and a half ago I came down with Lymes disease. Long story short it turned chronic. This last December I was finally starting to feel like myself again, like I had my old body and personality back. We thought maybe we had finally beat this thing. But Lymes is a cruel minx that teases you one day with good health only to plunge you into a near comatose state the next. It's the nature of the disease and thats exactly what it did. By mid January I was going severely down hill and by March I could hardly get out of bed again. ( it's really a miracle I graduated from MTC with all the class I missed)

This was indeed hard, but the biggest struggle was emotional I think. I went to a dark place, darker then I've experienced before. Lyme disease plays with your emotions by taking them all away (its like a legitimate symptom of the disease itself) and so the only thing I could feel was numbness or anger. No motivation, no joy. Whatever could keep me from thinking to deeply, whatever could help me escape the reality of constant physical pain and emotional deadness was what I turned to. Movies, instagram, pinterest, my amazing kindle. All good things, but all extremely effective at giving you a constant break from reality. And the biggest thing is that I didn't care. I didn't care that all that I was was slowly slipping away with only a shell remaining. I didn't give a @#$%. I mentally new it to be true and did not care. It was the weirdest and scariest feeling I've ever felt, not to care. And forget a deep personal relationship with my Jesus. How could that exist in my quest to escape, in my quest to simply survive the day. If I didn't feel anything period, how could I feel anything for God. We talk so easily about trust and joy and seeking God in struggle but to actually do those things is the biggest battle of life. They are hard. They are complicated. I seriously was going to punch the next person who sweetly but flippantly said one of these things to me in the face. (Brett knew that too so he watched me carefully haha) 

So like I said, it sucked to not be able to walk more than a block without passing out but what was the real mind killer was the emotional effects the disease had on me. The effects which I still struggle with and am still trying to figure out. 

At the very end of April I went to a new doctor in Idaho. If I tried to describe this doctors methods to you, the only thing you would think is that he was crazy or scamming people. (He takes a completely holistic approach.) I would have thought this too if I hadn't seen two of my good friends get better from Lyme's disease because of this guys treatment. Anyways, Brett finally got me to agree to go out there and have the treatment. It  has been an upward battle ever since....a slow slow upward battle but upwards all the same. And it has once again given us hope. 

So here it is, July freaking 1st 2014. A year and a half from the first month I had symptoms and I never pictured this as my life. I never pictured myself at 23 and not able to make it through the day without a nap or two. But regardless of that I'm learning that right now this is my life and that that's ok. I'm learning (painfully slowly) what it means practically to have joy in pain and grow in struggle. I'm learning that life can be about more than survival even when we don't know how we're going to survive in the first place. I'm learning how to have a growing relationship with God again. I'm learning to let go of expectations and simply live. 

This has been my journey the past six months of zero blogging. I didn't blog because I didn't care like I said earlier, but the Lord is teaching me how to care again, so here ya go. I thank God for the healing He has been giving me the past month and we have hope and pray that I'll continue to heal, but if I don't, I'm learning to accept that and let go of expectation that I had for my life and replace them with the plans that God has. thanks to all of you (family, friends, church family) who have been praying for me. the prayers have been felt. 

thanks for reading.

-morgan